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I'm Here, You're Here, But I'm Still Not Smiling

by Ahoy!

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1.
He knew that something wasn't right, from the moment that he walked in. Saw the knife from the kitchen, left a hole in the counter. He saw the wooden picture frame that sits on the end stand near the couch, had somehow fallen, had somehow broken the glass. He saw the words that he had written on the back in black ink of how much he loved her, of how he would never let her go. And he never let her go. If you love her, you must let her go. As he walked through the hallway, through the pictures of his wedding day, he thought back to those days and how she took his love away. He thought of how he tried to find the words to form a sentence a thousand times to describe what he'd done, to right all his wrongs, but it felt so wrong. Funny how these things just sorta happen with no intention, like if we can't learn to trust ourselves, how will we ever learn to trust someone else. And down the hall he heard a subtle voice crying, as he cautiously walked through what looked to be a crime scene. Past, what would of been his child's room, he's second to none when it comes to killing his dreams of having a son. Unaware of his detriment, he knew his cause would have an effect. But never thought it would be of this magnitude, that he was walking through the effect, of her feeling so used, that she had planned to build a noose for two. At the end he saw his bedroom door cracked, scared of what he'd find, of what would be behind that door, a creak when he opens it, and steps onto a trashed carpet floor lining the doorway. He saw the bed trashed, push against the wall. He saw the bed sheets ripped and on the floor. He saw the wedding ring the he had slid on her finger on her wedding day all alone on the dresser, next to the ultrasound of their baby boy, incased in light blue, with words written in pinkish red, we will always love you. And from the corner of his eyes, a black shadowy figure moves across the wall. He turns his attention to his wife, standing off in the light of the bathroom. Makeup smeared, clothes trashed, vacant stare, broken smile, crooked gun. She said "oh, look what you've done. You've thrown this whole family aside for nothing more than half used candles and a bottle of fucking wine. And if I had it my way, you'd suffer just as much as me. But since I can't pull out your fucking heart, I'll watch you slowly fucking bleed. Is she everything you dreamt of? Is she everything you wanted? Does she scream out your name? Do you enjoy every moment? And what do you think of when you lay down at night? Do you think of your baby boy, or do you think of all your lies? How dare you try to justify your actions. How dare you look me in the eyes. Every I love you like you stabbed me in the back, and every time you touched me like a noose around my neck. Every kiss goodnight like a slit on my wrist. And Oh my God, I just have to end this, end this, end this.
2.
I knew what you were going to say, before the words, they even left you lips. You had your hair in a bun, and your hand, they were on your hips. I had already started packing before you had to say it. Decided to save myself the embarrassment and leave, before the storm hit. She says that I am not the man I used to be, I take a backseat, to anything and everything and all of those around me. For those who care, for those who love, who used to be a friend. She hopes that someday I will be a better man. After all these short talks, emptiness and long walks. Sadness grabbed ahold of me and squeezed the life right out of me. What replaced it is something that I can not describe. Something that's so powerful, let meaningless inside. I spent all my time placing the bricks of our relationship, only to watch them crumble at the first sign of a tidal shift. He came out of nowhere and stole what I worked so hard for. Will I ever find myself or will I just sink? Watch as the waves crash on top of me. Pull me underwater, prevent me to breath. The storm is coming, the storm is coming, the storm is coming in, and I can't swim.
3.
Grow up, give up. Your dreams they are like fading scars, more distant than the furthest star, and when you crash and burn on the surface of the sun, remember that we told you so, remember everyone I will not fail, I will not fall. I'll prove you wrong, with every line in every song. I'm meant for this, I swear to God I'm meant for this. And I will do my best to make a difference. Grow up, give up. Your dreams, they are like fading scars, more distant than the furthest star, and when you crash and burn on the surface of the sun, remember that we told you so, remember everyone Don't act like you know what is best for me. I've watched all my friends turn into enemies. And though these words, they may mean nothing to you. Well they mean everything, they mean everything to me. Grow up, give up. Your dreams, they are like fading scars, more distant than the furthest star, and when you crash and burn on the surface of the sun, remember that we told you so, remember everyone Grow up Give up
4.
Chemistry 05:30
I am just so terrified by the touch of your skin against mine. And I am just so scared that I won't live up to the expectations you've set in your mind. And the look in your eyes doesn't match the words you send from your lips. Well, I've got a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, bad, feeling about this. But I failed my high school chemistry class so I'm inclined to believe you when you say that chemistry between us is what we had. Well I don't think either one of us want this. Please stop acting like you do. Well I'm just so scared of letting you down so I will do the things that you want me to. But I failed my high school chemistry class so I'm inclined to believe you when you say that chemistry between us is what we had. Well, I don't want this. But I failed my high school chemistry class so I'm inclined to believe you when you say that chemistry between us is what we had. It's what we lost.
5.
I Swear 05:43
They must've forgotten what I've done for you. That I'm the one that kept you from tying that noose around your neck, then back around your head again. Oh, how you wished you were dead. And at the time, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I swear, I didn't know, I didn't know. But was starting to show. I thought it was teenage angst or hormones until you told me about that night you tried to overdose. This went on for quite some time, you'd tell me that you tried, while I tried not to cry. Well I tried not to cry. But those tears turned into anger, even though I was trying to save her. We'd be on the phone for countless hours, more and more frustrated, I'd scream you're a coward and couldn't take much more. And I was the only one who knew, so I told her sister, she thanked me, and said it was the right thing to do. Hospitalized, we had to miss her favorite concert, but I was just worried she'd hate me, and we wouldn't be together much longer. And not a day goes by, with all these thoughts rushing through my head. And to my surprise she said... "Thank you." I clutched that orange bottle in the palms of my hands. She said it wasn't this world that she hated, it was herself she couldn't stand. "You see I was not strong enough, but thanks to you, I long for us, we can be together forever and conquer all of our endeavors." A year and half later, this love has not wavered. But one fuck up is enough for them to lose all trust. They say I'm not a man, they say I'm here for show. They say we won't last but how would they know? Cause without me, they would have nothing, but salty tears, and the fear that their daughter didn't have to be laying in a coffin. You think I'm not a man? You think I'm here for show? Well they must of forgotten.

about

The debut 5-track EP from Ahoy!

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released June 5, 2014

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Ahoy! Cincinnati, Ohio

We're a three piece indie/post hardcore/spoken word band from Cincinnati. We create emotional music that tell vivid stories.

For booking opportunities, contact Ahoyband@yahoo.com

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